I don't even know.
Great way to start isn't it?
Yeah, I thought so as well.
Oh my dear heavenly Father, I don't know.
So, let's begin.
My name is Loren. I'm of the male gender. I'm sixteen. I'm pansexual.
Pansexual, for all of you homophobic straights, means that I like whatever grabs my goat, tickles my fanny, flies my kite, blah blah blah, I'm sure you have your own way of saying it. It does not mean I'm putting on some freaky romantic moves with Mommy's dinnerware, thank you Evan.
By the way Evan, your face reminds me of my fathers soiled underwear, and you should definitely go screw a tree.
Anyway, I've been this way since...well, there was never a day that I chose. I get asked that stupid question so very often, and so I'm going to share the answer with all of you.
So here goes.
"Lorrreennnnnn," drones some random kid.
"Yes?" I answer, fully polite and patient.
"Like, duuuuuude, when did you choose to be like, gay?"
Go on and insert a 'sigh' here.
"I never chose to be gay." I state, still an optimistic being.
"Then like, whyyy are you gay, Loren?"
This is the moment where I want to slap the poor kid. "Why are you straight, Sweetheart? Did you ever wake up and say, 'Jesus! I'm straight!'"?
"Well, like, noooooooo, but-"
Like SERIOUSLY? For REAL?
Because I'm Loren Taylor, and not Pansexual Kid, I'm not going to go on and on about it, though it does play a major part in the story you'll hear soon.
Continuing on, I don't have the best family life, lets just say. Mom is a whore. Literally.
She puts herself out for Bet You Want It, a whorehouse type of place. She doesn't have to do what she does, of course not! But she likes it.
Which is scary as hell to me. Who would like rubbing up old men all day?
My whore mother would.
It's not like we need the money. Her grandfather passed away and left us with the majority of the money, considering my mom's parents were creamed in a plane crash when I was two.
So, needless to say, we have a more than secure funding system. That does not mean I'm a spoiled rich kid, AGAIN, thank you Evan. It's not like I have anything I need with all that money. A good portion of our weekly bank withdrawals go to support Mom and Dads addiction.
Oh, my lovely father.
Mom met him at the whorehouse. He was a regular, she was his little slave girl, true love right?
Yeah, so they 'fell in love'. I was an accident along the way. I'm pretty sure I'm the cause of that forced love. Mommy couldn't abort me, I was too far matured, and Daddy just couldn't pay child support. Why do that when you could marry a rich sex slut?
On top of it all, I'm so far back in the closet at home that I've actually been to Narnia twice. I just can't come out to my parents.
Now, I'm all for being yourself.
But, Mom and Dad are always so screwed over on drugs that I can't get near them without being questioned on my identity. I'm some random kid who lives with them. When they are sane though, rarely, Dad is the BIGGEST homophob. I'm sure he'd beat me black and blue.
I'd be so bruised and purple you'd think I was a Navi from Avatar. Jake Sully would be put to shame.
Well, you've officially got the preparatory details you may need to understand a little more of my life in the future. Stay tuned folks, this could get interesting.